It’s been two days since I formally started the program and I wish I had something awesome to report.
Ok so maybe I need a little patience but seriously? I only have 7 days to check this out for free and so far, I really haven’t learned too much from what I already knew. Nothing has popped out and made me say, “WOW!”
I was really excited to begin though.
The first thing that excited me was the claim at the top of the first video.
Those words really did wind me up! Excited me enough that I made absolutely sure that I was comfortable, distraction free and ready! Ready to embrace some new knowledge about how to live this great life again. You know the one where you can do anything you set your mind to without anxiety?
So how does one prepare for solitude for at least the next 26:56? Here’s what I did.
- Empty bladder
- Turn down A/C for optimal comfort
- Lock door to room so dogs don’t interrupt
- Arrange pillows just right for optimal comfort
- Empty bladder one more time just to be sure
- Put phone out of reach so no temptation there
- Wear earbuds to A. drown out noise B. have no problem hearing her
- Log out of every other page so notifications don’t pop through
And this is eventually what undistracted and comfortable me looked like after approximately 30 minutes of prep.
All of that was for naught though. Eventually.
She started out great once again. It was almost a little bit like the initial video. Same promises and excitement in her calming voice. Then she says the words I DID NOT want to hear.
“Pause this video and for the next 30 minutes I just want you to clear your mind. Your thoughts are just your thoughts and I want you to experience them and then push them away.”
What? Are you kidding me?
At this point I’m starting to wonder if she has ever really experienced anxiety or any other mental illness because I’m sorry; I can’t just swipe my thoughts away like an annoying fly. Each thought leads to another and you know? I’ve explained my snowball-ing effect thought process and at this point in time I’m sighing and feeling very distracted.
Instead of giving up though, I grab my phone and set a timer for 30 minutes. I’m going to do this and I know I had an ugly look on my face and I was so close to cancelling the subscription. I really was pissed that she wanted me to essentially meditate and why did that bother me so much? I have no clue. It bugged me to no end, but I changed my thinking back to positive and re-grouped.
My thoughts to swipe:
- This is bullshit
- It looks like it might rain
- I should have closed the blinds because now I’m looking outside at the clouds
- Should I close my eyes?
- What if I fall asleep?
- How many minutes have passed?
- OH MY GOD only 4 minutes in
- If I don’t finish this for thirty minutes, then I can’t say I tried
- This sucks
- My trial is going to be over before I even finish this thought swiping crap
- What? I’m supposed to swipe my thoughts in the grocery store?
- Be positive
- This isn’t working
- She said that I would say that in the beginning
- Of course she did because she wants you to keep going
- It’s definitely going to rain
- Are my windows down?
You get the point.
I did finish the 30 minutes even though I’m pretty sure I’m not good at swiping thoughts away.
The next 15 minutes of the video, she talks about living in the present. That we carry past experiences with us and that by doing that we train our brain to think the future will be just like the past.
Yeah we do. I understand what she’s saying and so I started feeling a little better because now she’s explaining useful things to me.
(I have to say here that the meditation thing probably works for a lot of people, just not me, so let me put a disclaimer here: Please don’t discredit the program just yet because I wanted to give up over thought swiping. OK? OK.)
It’s at this point that I pause the video to go back to the “lesson list” and I see that there are at least 12 more lessons (videos) and I’m thinking, “Cool. Something in those videos is going to be the breakthrough I need.”
So there’s 5 minutes left in this one video and wouldn’t you know it? Pause the video again and spend 20 minutes creating a list of all the things you want in life. While I’m writing it she wants me to visualize these things coming to fruition. She calls it “setting intentions for outcome”.
If there is a strong enough why as in why I want these things, then the work to get them will just happen.
Negativity creeps back in because I have never seen anything just happen without working hard for it, all because I wanted it bad enough. I’ve seen myself work really hard and make things happen because I wanted it bad enough, but nothing has just EVER fell into my lap.
(You’re good friend. Very good. I can see how this might be working a little, but I’m still pessimistic about this. I know, I know positive and in the present right?)
Here’s my list (don’t laugh):
The last few minutes of the video are spent explaining that if we think that we are going to have a panic attack or anxiety in a certain situation (THANK YOU! Finally, something to do with anxiety!) then we will. Remember, living in the past and future is not what we’re supposed to be doing.
We are to be grateful right this minute and every waking moment FOR that moment. So when I’m washing dishes I should be grateful that I’m washing dishes? Laundry. I should be grateful…OK I’ll shut up because my thought process is heading south again.
POSITIVE MISTY! POSITIVE DAMN IT!
That list up there? I am supposed to put it in a place where I can see it every day and while I’m brushing my teeth, showering, going about my day I’m supposed to remember those things on that list and repeat them to myself over and over.
This is where all the things on my list just happen because of my strong why.
Ya’ll I don’t even know if I believe this. I don’t know if I should keep going, but I’m going to because honestly I’m too curious to see, if I apply this, what I’ve learned so far, if I’ll be able to buy tampons or hamburger meat on my own in the near future.
I’ve got a real goal to get to Egypt within the year and I need something to break for me.
So I’ll keep going.
In closing this part 2 review, I want to add that when she’s congratulating me on starting my journey, the video cuts out during her congratulatory speech which made me a little sad.
I almost went and sent feedback but I was done for the day and afraid I might give feedback on the thought swiping. I don’t want any response from anyone involved in this program, to jade my outlook more than it already is.
I’ve also devised a scoring system for each part of this program starting now.
I give this lesson 1 out of 5 Xanax’s.
You’re going to have to really reel me in and make me believe Recovery Formula, during the next phase.