I don’t know if it has to do with getting older or the fact that maybe I’ve always been this way and just didn’t realize it.
I’m talking about being borderline psychotic about my friendships and the meaning they hold for me.
I think all these years I’ve been fighting how I view being close to someone and my devotion to that person. Sounds creepy huh? Yeah, I know, but let me try to explain why I get so attached.
I do not believe that blood is thicker than water. I just never had that kind of family dynamic. Except for my dad, my familial relationships sucked. Could be my fault. I’ve written before how I’m partly to blame for most of the attachments to family members failing. I’m OK with that. I’m not perfect.
I’ve always felt closer to people outside of my DNA chain most of my life. I’m not talking about the people I meet at a get together and exchange hello’s with but rather the deeper rapport I form with those that I have a common bond with.
There have been few connections like this in my life and I’ve treasured each one. Some have ended because that person no longer fit into my life. People change and I get that. The saying, “People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime,” really bothered me for a long time.
I used to think, “Great! I’ve met someone I really connect with and quite possibly in the future they are going to leave my life. Awesome.” Cue depression and an unhealthy worry over when that time was going to come. That hardly leaves room for growth or love in a friendship. Thankfully I’ve learned to roll with this observation and it’s a little bit easier to swallow that lump when it happens. I’m now able to look back on those moments with that person and be thankful for the time we did have together.
So what happens when the friendship is solid, doesn’t have the makings of a disaster and is blissfully satisfying but one of you gets hurt? We’re only human and far from being unblemished. Even I hurt others when I don’t mean to and we all deal with hurt feelings differently.
- Some lash out and aim to hurt the other person more. That never works out and can cripple a friendship for life, possibly causing irreparable damage in my experience.
- In other instances emotions are bottled up and then explode in a fireworks show that can rival any 4th of July display. In this case resentment often is the fuel that feeds this flame and resentment is a very unhealthy thing to carry around. It’s like a cancer of sorts that eventually eats away at your own self esteem leaving you worse for the wear while the other party unknowingly goes about life thinking everything is fine. Secretly you’re expecting the other person to know what you’re thinking and nobody can read minds.
- The partnership is abandoned by one or both and left to wither away in wherever friendships go to die. That’s just a sad thought in itself and bears no need for explanation of how that feels.
I’m battling a few friendship let-downs right now. Am I to blame? Partly. I definitely won’t sit on my high horse and point fingers at the other person. It’s a two way street. Forming and maintaining a solidarity with another human being is HARD. I mean look at how much work goes into forming a bond with your child or your husband or wife. Yes, I’m comparing being true friends with someone to birthing a baby and marriage.
When you first meet someone and you think, “Wow! This person is really cool and I feel really comfortable with them and sharing some of my deepest emotions. I feel safe,” you are essentially giving new life to what is hopefully a long lasting kinship. It takes guts to do that ya’ll. So just as that kindred bond grows and flourishes over time, we all start baring a little bit more of our souls until it’s like walking on a tightrope and finally saying, “Hey, let’s add some flair to our relationship and take away the safety net.” Isn’t that what marriage is about? Trusting someone else that you love with every part of who you are? At least that’s what a marriage is supposed to be like.
I teeter on the edge of insanity when it comes to friendships in a nutshell. I’ve yet to figure out how to regenerate that missing piece of myself when one fails. Maybe I’ll never know how to do that.
What I do know is this: When I say I consider you my really good friend and that I value our relationship, I mean it. I will fight tooth and nail as if you are my own flesh and blood to salvage that connection when things go awry. I am not always good at it but my loyalty runs deep and you can always count on that. It feels good to love someone that much. It feels good to have a friend that you can trust no matter what life throws at you. After all, life is too short not to love someone else with your whole heart and mean it.