I hear his voice. It cracks with emotion.
He is struggling to be brave and not let on that inside he’s a whirlwind of emotions.
I know the feeling. The feeling of desperation. I’m living it right now. The thought that at any moment the world might crumble. He’s never felt like this before. Sure he’s had moments where he was nervous or scared, but never like this. When you’re this close to someone…you know when things have changed.
I’ve always had the words for him, but today they are harsh. Not soothing at all. I find myself telling him in strange ways, how to “get through this man,” and “it’s going to be OK.” Where are my words coming from? I know better than to speak like that to someone who is scared and feeling lonely over something they think is silly.
He has every right to be scared and I don’t just see this as a moment in time that we will both look back on and laugh about though. Perhaps I am being too quick to judge the situation.
I hear him asking if he can see me today. He’s called me back now twice. Wanting an answer from me and it’s not that I don’t want to see him, it’s just I am having to fight through to get my own battles fought today. Just showering has caused me enormous anxiety.
Part of me, the scared part of my mind, feels like telling him that it’s going to be OK and then just hang up. I know I can’t do that though and that part of me is quickly quelled by the burning desire that is the real me, to be there for him. I have and always will be there for him. This I know.
Except, today is more important. Today is the day that I introduce him to someone new.
“Come here and stop struggling,” I whisper to him softly,”I’d like you to meet an old friend.”