I don’t remember a lot about when I was younger. Why, I have no idea. The things I do remember are often weird and nonsensical things that other people’s minds would have glossed over, never to be remembered again.
Then there are certain events that I do remember, though, that hit me right in the face. Especially when I’m needing a reminder that life goes on and that I am supposed to learn from the past and blah blah blah.
I was a Junior in high school, “dating” a Freshman. The one time in my life I went for a younger dude and it failed miserably. I used quotes around dating because now that I’m older, had a few really serious relationships, I see now that what we considered dating in high school couldn’t be farther from what we were actually doing. It was a status thing. I had a “boyfriend”. I really don’t think he even liked me like that to be honest with you. I think it was that I was older and could drive. (I suppose that applies to a lot of adult relationships as well..hahaha…I needed that laugh by the way.) I honestly think that is the only reason we were together. Oh how damn naive I was. The day came when we broke up. How funny that I don’t even remember us breaking up but I know it must have happened because when you’re a teenager, that shit just doesn’t happen and you don’t lose your freaking mind over it! Plus, well duh, we aren’t together. He’s actually married with a kid now. So I know there was that day. I remember that for weeks and weeks, which turned into a few months, I was so depressed. Crying all day and night. Walking in school with my head down thinking my life was over. You remember that feeling right? Well guess what? I got over it. I lived. As a matter of fact, I have lived to be in my thirties now with a teenage son. A twelve year marriage down the tubes, three other serious relationships over with and I’m still here. If you had told me that my life would go on back then? I would have broken down sobbing telling you that you were as wrong as a bag full of Skittles with no red ones in it.
How strange and shitty it is that we allow ourselves to feel so betrayed and lose sleep and cry until our eyes are like giant play dough balls and we can barely see to get to the freezer for the ice cream and/or frozen pizza. How shitty that we think because a “boy” doesn’t like us anymore, it defines and takes away who we are for weeks, months and in some cases years, at a time. How shitty that we beat ourselves up because of that fact.
I’m watching a friend right now go through the most ridiculous breakup I think I’ve ever witnessed. I’ve listened to her side of the story and if everything she says is true, if it panned out the way she describes it, it’s way fucking ridiculous. I’d throw this douche away and never look back. I’ve read her texts and Facebook messages to him and vice versa so the events appear to be the way she’s told them and because of that it’s really starting to piss me off that she is allowing herself these days of torture. I can understand the feelings of sadness and wishing that things had worked out but to read some of her status updates! Omfg! It’s like she’s stoning herself to fucking death over a fuckwit! A narcissistic, egomaniac who could care less about her and her feelings at all, no matter what stupid shit he’s still telling her that keeps her dangling on the thread of hope that they still might make it. The worst part? Her kids, his kids…they are involved too. That’s really sad. I would grab my shit, get it together and tell this motherfucker to never say my name again, even in his sleep.
I think what pisses me off the most and hurts me is watching my friend defend this piece of trash. And that’s exactly what he is. Her friends are all posting that she will get over it, her heart will heal, she’s strong and she deserves better. They are absolutely right. What pisses me off to no end is her simple response of, “I never thought love would come around again until I met *****! I had written it off! Now this! He’s an amazing man!”
NO! No he isn’t. He is letting you suffer. Letting you sit there and type this shit on your Facebook page to other people because even though he unfriended you, don’t think for one fucking minute he isn’t seeing it. You know what else? You’re typing that crap because you know he is seeing it. Why? Why are you catering to him? Why are you stroking his ego while he sits back and drinks a beer and laughs with his buddies that he’s got this bitch strung up like a freshly killed deer?
So friend, if you read this, please know that you need to MOVE ON. Get rid of his text messages. Get rid of his Facebook messages. Get rid of his pictures on your phone and your Facebook and get rid of all his shit in your house. Praise God you didn’t move in with him 2 hours away like you planned. Praise God he showed his shit-tastic attitude way before that bridge was crossed.
You will get over it. You will survive. I’m here for you, but give yourself some damn credit girl. You are worth way more than what this dude has to offer. I can’t even call him a man.